3.6. Tima

– Tima, first page –

“Tima”, is a nickname for his real first name “Temirlan”, and his sister calls him “Timka”, which is an affectionnate nickname for “Tima” (like for Timothy / Tim / Timmy).

The case of Tima is quite different from the others, because I knew him already, having met him twice before (in February and in July), with his older sister who is usually caring about him, in the city where they live.
In short, she is very afraid about everything for him, and for this reason, he is (or he was) constantly “kept like a teddybear”, very kindly, but in a kind of “babies world” (at least, this is my point of view), with very few occasions to learn anything “social” and to change.
This is a very “classical” problem, unfortunately.
Those kids are supposed to be “unable” to do this or that, and therefore they are “protected” from the “normal experiences”, which makes that, of course, they are actually never able to learn how to do it, simply because they are prevented from doing it.

3.6.1. The previous meetings and the shopping mall

For instance, at our first meeting in February, while visiting a city, I suggested entering a shopping mall, but she was really not keen about that, she said it would be a problem because he would be frightened by the crowd etc.
But I kindly insisted and I used the “magic verb for the autistics” (accordng to me) : “to try”.
I said: “Let’s try: we enter, and in case of problem, we go out, it’s easy”.
She could not refuse such a simple and safe principle, and she accepted.
And there was no problem at all.
Not only Tima was at ease, but also he was interested, and after one hour he was like at home, even playing and (safely) running in the mall…
We were tired of the mall before him…

01/02/2016 – First meeting with Tima and his sister

Tima could see himself on my phone screen, and he started making faces and imitating animals (rabbit, crocodile…).

02/02/2016 – The next day, in a shopping centre where I wanted to enter while we were visiting the city.
A minute after entering, we sit down in this café, in order to give Tima enough time to get used to it. Also, as I knew him very little, I had to check his reactions as a precaution to avoid any problems or outbursts, given that his sister was very reluctant at first, thinking that Tima would be scared or that places with lots of people were not good for him, or that there might be “problems”.

After visiting several floors, there was still no problem…

On the contrary, he was happy 🙂

In July, I met again Tima and his sister, and we went again in a shopping mall, and once again there was no problem at all.

14/07/2016 – During a visit to his home town

14/07/2016

14/07/2016
14/07/2016 – Discoveries…

14/07/2016 – In a shopping mall

14/07/2016 – Always creating something

14/07/2016 – In the same shopping mall

Tima takes a bumper car ride in the shopping mall. (He seems quite used to it, so maybe he did that already in another place, not in a shopping mall.)

 

3.6.2. The preparation (before the summer camp)

At the second meeting (on July 14), when I saw that Tima was a bit sad to leave me, I had the idea of inviting him to the summer camp.

But there were two problems: it was too expensive for the family, and also the sister was very scared about the experience (that Tima would “be unable”, would make crises, and so on).
I said that I would pay personally for his stay, and also I promised to be very careful about his stay, to keep her informed all the time by WhatsApp, etc.
The family took some time to think, and finally they accepted.
In the meantime, I realized that I was not so rich, and I tried to ask for donations with social networks in my former country (France, a small country located at the south of Belgium).
An association (Autisme PACA) was interested, and when they realized that I was at the origin of the request and that I was actually living in the summer-camp, they immediately knew that it was not a scam, and they sent me the funds, which was really kind and useful.

3.6.3. The arrival and the first day at the summer camp (August 3)

10h15 – Here Tima arrives with her sister (dressed with a white top) and Zhanna and her three daughters.
Normally, the children come in a small bus, but Tima’s sister was afraid that things might go wrong, so this arrangement (of a more personalized transport) had been made for her.
(You can see from the photos that Tima looks at ease and that he walks first.
For example, we didn’t have to convince him to get out of the car).

Tima arrived on the 3rd of august, with his sister, who insisted to stay during the whole first day. We managed to convince her to leave at the end of the day.
She told me anxiously “My brother is in your hands” and she was very scared (that Tima would make a “crisis” at night, or… I don’t know what…).

Later on, I learnt that in fact she was so much afraid that “something wrong could happen”, that she slept during the first night in a hotel nearby (the family lives quite far from Almaty).

10h16 – This is 1 mn after Tima’s arrival at the summer camp, in the first days of August. (You can see his sister behind him).
At each new arrival (i.e. each new “season” of 10 days), I was particularly attentive to the autistic children (there were usually 2 or 3), because the first moments of adaptation are the most delicate, and also because it allowed me to get a first idea of the children’s behaviour, which was then obviously very useful during the following days (where, of course, my analysis became more precise each time).
I already had a general idea because often these children had already come with their parents, for a kind of preliminary interview and visit.
But when the children are alone without their parents, and in a place and with people they know very little about, the situation is obviously very different.
Here, as I had already spent many hours with Tima and his sister on two occasions in their city (in February and July), things were rather easy.
When he sees the swing set he rushes over to it, settles in and starts to realise that he’s going to need someone to push it (or else he wonders how to make it work).
I take the opportunity (before pushing the swing) to start asking him some very simple questions.
“Tima”, is a nickname for his real first name “Temirlan”, and “Timka” is an affectionnate nickname for “Tima” (like for Timothy / Tim / Timmy).
I ask him how he is doing. On the third time, thanks to the intervention of a voice more familiar than mine (his sister’s), he answers that it’s going well.
Then I ask him what my name is, and on the third time (again thanks to his sister), he answers by saying my first name (Eric).
Then I thank him and start pushing the swing, and he relaxes and looks at me, being happy.
(All these things were not part of a “plan” or “method” and happened very naturally; it is only while writing this report that I analyse what happened).

10h26 – The usual bus arrives, with the other children and some of the (volunteer) monitors.
(You can see Tima on the right.)

Here, he is interested in visiting the bus but his sister (who is extremely kind) gently prevents him. I say that there is no reason that there would be ” problems “, so (as she trusts me), she agrees to allow him to enter.

Here we see Arthur coming back for his second stay, and who is obviously very happy.

An instructor gently helps him to carefully descend these high steps.
You can feel (or guess) that he is discovering and learning something.
(I think that his sister told me that his family avoids taking him on the bus, always for the same reasons: the fear that “something might go wrong” – and maybe also the embarrassment because of “people’s attention).

Apparently Tima’s bag and the one of his sister (who wanted to spend all the stay here) were in the bus.

10h28 – Welcome, Tima! 🙂
(He’s used to smile for the photos).

Tima discovering and experimenting the stairs, alone. (Maybe something new for him ?)

10h41 – Just relaxing freely 🙂

Soon after the swing and the “usual bus” (that you can still see outside), and the stairs, he already communicates more easily with me, without the help of his sister.
Here I ask him again if “everything is fine”, he answers “fine”, I make him repeat the syllables (“kha-ra-sho”) and he repeats correctly.
I ask him what is the animal that he is making with his modelling clay, and he gives me the answer.

Here, just after, he is even more relaxed and “present” (you can see it in his eyes), and I ask him again what my name is, and he answers easily, after only two times and without anyone else’s intervention.

10h51 – Another little discovery.

Tima did not make any crisis at any time during all his stay, and there was no problem at all. He was even “angelic”, like most of those autistic kids.
At first, he was behaving rather like a baby, always playing with his modelling-clay, and not listening to anything (questions, instructions or whatever).

13h44 – On a swing (with its dedicated instructor behind him).

14h29 – Discovering his new bed (during the daytime)

15h11

16h35

17h22: 2 hours and 11 mn after the previous picture on the bed, but it seems to be taken a few seconds after.
(His feet are not exactly in the same position.)

18h50 – “Natural immersion in a group of strangers”, without the family…

19h03 – On the swing set, with his dedicated instructor.

Simple happiness 🙂

20h29 – Here, he smiles – or he tries to smile – because apparently he thinks that he has to do that every time someone takes pictures of him.
Sometimes he does it, but many times he does not, which is much better, in my opinion, because it’s important for us to know when he is really happy.
Fortunately, it is rather easy to detect the difference when his smile is “forced” or not.

Here I ask him to repeat two words (“that’s all”) in Russian, and he does it but it’s almost inaudible, so I ask (in English) to his dedicated instructor to ask him to speak louder, and then he says those two words clearly and without the need to insist.
(These are really small steps, but you have to do things in order, and to adapt).

21h08 – Arthur and Tima, before going to bed.

21h52 – Here, his smile does not seem “forced”, he seems really happy.
While Tima’s sister was very worried in a nearby hotel, I was sending these pictures to her via WhatsApp.
When she saw this picture, she really understood that there was no problem, which allowed her to sleep more quietly.
(I didn’t know that she had stayed a few kilometres from here, I thought she had gone home, several hundred kilometres away).

Tima’s section is divided into several pages because it is really long: please click on the next chapter in the Table of Contents below, or on the next page, in the list of page numbers under the Table of Contents.