3.7. Nurzhan
There are no pictures nor videos, because the family did not allow it.
3.7.1. The first day
The case of Nurzhan is very different from the others.
He was a very weak and fragile little boy, looking rather unhappy.
His had only two interests : jumping from a chair (or any other high thing), and throwing little stones.
In other words, he had a sort of “interest for gravity” and I did not have enough time to search the reason.
It was very difficult to have him do anything else, or listening or following anything.
We knew that his mother submitted him to the “Skorvtsova method” in Russia, consisting in making hundreds of injections…
This boy was obviously suffering.
On the first night, he suddenly cried a lot, and Zhanat managed to guess that he was hungry.
On the second day, we had a very interesting experience.
3.7.2. The “countdown trick”
He was outside, picking and throwing little stones in the pathway, as usual, and we wanted him to come back inside. He said something meaning that he wanted to play again for two minutes.
Being myself autistic, I did what I usually do in such cases: I took it to the word…
I immediately set a countdown of 2 minutes on my smartphone, and I showed him and explained to him that when it comes to zero, he has to follow his promise to come inside.
I said something like: OK, you have the right to an “extension” (of the time), to play for 2 minutes, and we will wait for you (instead of forcing you right now), BUT the deal is that after 2 minutes you will come inside (without other discussions). (Of course, this was translated and simplified, in Russian.)
At first, he did not seem to really pay attention, but we continued to explain to him all the time, telling him how much time was left.
He was surrounded by 3 or maybe 4 persons, all telling him kindly that at the end of the countdown, he would have to go.
I noticed that when there were less than 30 seconds left, it became difficult for him to continue playing throwing his stones, he was sometimes looking like hesitating, like if it was nonsense, and he was more and more focusing his attention on us and on the smartphone.
When I came close to 15, I made the real countdown with the voice, and his instructor made it clear in Russian that there was only 10 seconds left, 5, etc.
And… when I said ZERO, we saw really a kind of “little miracle”: he suddenly left his stones, stood up, headed right towards the house (where he had to go), and immediately walked there, almost like a robot but also very spontaneously, without any hesitation! We were so astonished, that we were rather “petrified” (usually, it was so hard to have him follow any order !), and during a few seconds, we did not even have the reflex to follow him… Zhanat looked at me with “eyes wide open”, and her mouth also was open, but she was speechless… like me…
I think that this “success” is the result of two things: we managed to “transfer” his attention from his game towards something else (almost like with “hypnotizing”, because we were numerous, surrounding him, determined, and always repeating the same thing), but also an “autistic mechanism” was used: he *promised* something. He planned something in his head, so he *had* to do it. This is typically autistic and I know it well. Both things were necessary, because if we had not reminded of the “promise” or the “deal”, very probably he would have forgotten it after 10 seconds or before.
3.7.3. The problem of the medical approach by the parents
After 3 days, his mother came, and we talked about the situation, with her, Zhanat and the instructor.
She did not seem to be impressed nor interested in the “little miracle”.
I said that it was “encouraging” and that I would like to try to make more “experiences”, and I asked her if she accepted to leave her son for more days, but she immediately replied a strong and clear “NIET”, looking at me like if I was someone bad or a bit disgusting…
Since the beginning, we have not been able to understand the behaviour of that mother.
I said kindly that it was a pity, that all the kids were benefitting from the camp but that it takes some time, but she explained that she had “no time” and that she preferred to bring her son again to doctors, that she had to go to Russia with him for the Skorvtsova treatment again, such things…
So we had to see this woman and her son leaving the place and refusing even to try our help.
And when he left with her, Nurzhan cried a lot.
I was thinking that it was a sign that we were right.
And she was a bit embarrassed (and anyway she was suspicious and not at ease since the very first day), but when I thought about the sufferings of this poor boy, and that this was his usual life, I could not think about his mother; I was only feeling very sad for him.
I don’t understand…
Added in 2021: Even years later, I can’t prevent from crying when thinking about that poor little boy, and unfortunately Zhanat told me that his situation is even worse now.
People have solutions (or the beginning of solutions) under their nose, but they don’t want to try, and they prefer things that are visibly disastrous…
This is a classic (and very destructive) problem with “people who know better” (but I will not elaborate on this topic here as it is outside the scope of this report).