3.5. Bekzat
There are no pictures nor videos (except one picture below), because the family did not allow it.
Bekzat was prefering to spend his time laying on the hammock or other comfortable places, like a very big cushion, “doing nothing”, and not communicating with anyone.
Bekzat on the first day, with his very kind dedicated volunteer
He had also an overweight problem, and he was “in his world”, not communicating, interested only by being laid down (or, at best, sitting) with his rhinoceros (a toy) always in his hand, as such point that it looked like a prosthesis…
After 2 or 3 days like that, I had a sudden “inspiration”: the fact that it could not continue like that, that the summer camp was not useful at all for him in these conditions, that if nothing changed in his life then he would have a very unhappy life, worsened by the fact that he would be very fat (therefore, rejected also for this reason); so for me, it was obvious that we had to try to do something to change that.
So Zhanat called his parents, and after some hesitation, in view of the whole, of the apparent results for the other children, in view of our apparent skills, of our self-confidence, they decided to trust us. And that is exactly what had to be done (and which, unfortunately, very, very few parents agree to do).
So his parents gave us the necessary rights in order to “awake” him a little bit (kindly), but they were very anxious about being too much tough with him, fearing that it might make him “worse” or “crazy”.
This is what his mother explained to me on the first day: “We are afraid of changing anything, because we fear that, doing so, maybe he would become *completely* mad”. (She was already considering that is was “mad”.)
And me, as an autistic, with all I learnt in my autistic life, I felt that the “big change” was the right thing to do, that if nothing changed around him then he would not change; and also I thought that his stay in the summer camp, far from his habits, was the perfect place and time for that.
I defend the right for the autistics to be able to have “peace”, “withdrawal”, and a “refuge” when they need it. But this should not be 100% of the time (unless maybe when the autistic person is obviously involved in a creative process, which was not the case with Bekzat).
Zhanat had a plan (thanks to her experience with her own autistic kid) : to make him work, doing useful things, like feeding the rabbits.
At first, he did not want to do anything, but we insisted kindly, until he finally managed to do the tasks, like picking some plants (leaves) in a field feeding the rabbits, and open and close correctly the doors, etc.
And various other small tasks, so that his attention is constantly occupied, i.e. doing something other than lying or sitting with his dinosaur.
Little by little, he stopped complaining, and I even noticed that he started being interested more by the rabbits than by his dinosaur, which seemed “impossible” at first.
He did this “feeding the rabbits” during several days, and at the end of his stay, I saw that he went to visit the rabbits, without anyone asking him, and was interested, watching them.
He was still reluctant to do what he was asked to do, but at least he was doing it, and every day it went better. He even started to do some basic creative activities, and he was looking more “normal”, more like the other kids, more “with us” and “awake”.
In the middle of his stay, his parents came, and we explained to them all of our thoughts and actions. They understood and agreed. And they could see the change in their son.
I insisted on my hope that they would try to continue in the same way after the summer camp, which was of course difficult for him (because of the habits, and because of the “loving feeling” (the fear of being too much demanding with him), but they agreed to do their best to try.
Anyway, as I said, “if you don’t change, if nothing changes around him, then he will not change”.
It was very important, as I explained, not to go back to the past habits, to the “bad dream”, and to continue the “awakening”.
I also suggested to the parents that, since the volunteer dedicated to their was so kind and patient (which was one of the keys to our success), maybe it would be a good idea if they “reward” him at the end of the stay.
Later on, I learnt that they did much better than that: they hired him to be an assistant of their son, several hours per week!
Sometimes he sent me some pictures of Bekzat, and there has even been one group picture where I could not even recognize him, because he was looking so serious.
After two weeks, I saw Zhanat receiving a phone call, it looked like very good news, and she was very happy and explained to me that the mother of Bekzat called to explain how much her son had changed, talking about a “miracle”!
So it was a very positive and rewarding experience, we had to force Bekzat (kindly) outside of his “zone of comfort”, but I knew and Zhanat knew that it was necessary. The problem is that usually parents don’t know what to do, and even when they are advised, they don’t dare to do it. That’s why it is very important to do things like these summer camps (or other inclusive stays or experiences), for limited durations, far from all the usual habits, and with persons (like us) who won’t be blocked by familial feelings (too much love or fear etc.).
I think that now this boy is on the right path: his parents know what to do, they are not scared anymore, they will not accept his caprices anymore, they will include him more and more in normal society and activities (that’s what they do); and I do think that even in the case there had been only this “little miracle” (which did not happen thanks to me only), my stay in Kazakhstan would have been worth. But there has been even more!